The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed.
The daughter of the family was with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait.

The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck-toothed and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her.

Finally, one of them muttered to the other, “Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear,” carefully spelling the key word.

Whereupon the child piped up, “But awfully s-m-a-r-t!”

================================================
A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marvels at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.
“Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks.

“Only $4 each,” says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter.

“You didn’t eat enough,” says Green.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

“Hey, Green,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!”

“You see?” says Green. “You’re smarter already.”

================================================
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to drop off, otherwise they were all going to fall.

They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, without ever getting anything in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.