A man went to his lawyer and told him,
“My neighbour owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”

“Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man.

“OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely.

That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan,
were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of anyone.

So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, “It’s the only way down.

I will go first.” Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, “Hey Bob! How deep did you go?”

Bob yells back, “I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!”

Dan jumps… and sinks clear up to his neck in manure!

“I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?” He shouts at his friend. “I did…” Explained Bob, “but I landed head first!”

A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm one day
and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake. The owner of the farm shouted, “Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”

The silence was deafening.

Suddenly a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but with great luck he was unharmed. The owner announced: “We have a winner!”

After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room.

The man said to his wife, “I did not jump in myself, someone pushed me!”

His wife smiled and said coldly, “It was me!”

Two neighbors are talking to each other. First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me? Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.First neighbor: Really, well then, how? Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.