Eddie is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Eddie a pop quiz, asking: `What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?`

Eddie says: `I would switch one train to another track.`

`What if the lever broke?` asks the inspector. `Then I`d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there`, answers Eddie.

`What if that had been struck by lightning?` challenges the inspector.

`Then,` Eddie continued, `I`d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.`

`What if the phone was busy?`

`In that case,` Eddie argued, `I`d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station`. `What if that had been vandalized?`

`Oh well,` said Eddie, `in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Lou`.

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, `Why would you do that?`

`Because he`s never seen a train accident.`

A passenger train is creeping along slowly. Finally, it creaks to a halt.

A passenger sees a conductor walking outside.

‘What’s going on?’ she yells out of the window. ‘Cow on the track!’ replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walking outside. She leans out of the window and yells,

‘What happened?

Did we catch up with the cow again?’

The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?”

“Not really,” she replied.

“I’m nauseated from sitting backward on the train.”

“Poor dear,” he said.

“Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”

“I couldn’t,” she replied, “there was no one there.”