A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend.
“You see,” he explained, “my wife`s expecting.”

“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”

The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: “My wife`s expecting.”

The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting?” he said, “Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off.”

When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don`t tell me your wife is still expecting!” he bellowed.

“Yes sir!” said the soldier resolutely, “She`s still expecting.”

“What in heaven is she expecting?” cried the Officer.

“Me.” said the soldier simply.

Three Soldiers had just gotten out of the Army and decided to celebrate by taking a helicopter ride.
One of the soldiers is eating a banana and says, “I wonder if we’d be able to see it land, if I threw the peel out?” Out goes the peel and they all watch it but don’t see it land.

One of the others has a rock and says “This is bigger, we should be able to see it land.” They all watch, but don’t see it land.

The last one takes a grenade out of his pocket, pulls the pin and tosses it out of the door.
“We’ll see that when it hits.” They watch, but still nothing.

Walking home they see a little girl crying and they ask, what’s wrong?

“Well I was walking and slipped on a banana peel that came from nowhere.”

The soldiers explain what happened and are helping the girl home when they see a little boy sitting on the side of the road holding his head. They ask what happened?

“I was walking when a rock hit me on the head.”

They tell the story again and start to wonder what happened to the grenade.

One of them races ahead and sees an old lady laughing hysterically. He asks what’s so funny?

The old lady says, “I just farted and my house blew up!!”