Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke. One blonde opened the can and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friend’s glass. Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side.

“Only one calorie per can,” she read aloud. .. ..

. “Hmm,” murmured the other blonde. “I wonder which glass has the calorie?”

========================

Chap goes in to a bar and orders a vodka and coke.

Barman serves him. Man drinks it orders another. This goes on for a while, until the chap begins to slow down.

Barman asks, “Is there anything the matter, sir?”

Chap replies, “I had an enormous argument with the wife. She said she won’t speak to me for a month. I have to sleep on the sofa.”

Barman says, “Best bet is to stop drinking, go home, and don’t let this argument carry on passed the first night.

Nip it in the bud.”

Chap says, “You don’t understand. This is the last night.”

======================================

A blonde stopped at a gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil. After a few seconds of what appeared to be intelligent thinking she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant.

“Excuse me,” she said, “but can I buy a longer dipstick?”

“Sure, ma’am, of course. Why do you need a longer one?”

…

.. .

“Because this one isn’t long enough to reach the oil.”