This guy’s wife gets a cat and he hates it.
So one day, while his wife is gone to work, the guy puts the cat in the car’s back seat, drives a few blocks, and lets the cat out. When he gets home, the cat sits on the front porch.

So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat’s sitting there again on the front porch.

Well, the guy’s furious. So he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car, and drives as far and fast as he can, making all the turns and doubling back he can to throw off the cat. He dumps out the cat and heads home but realizes he can’t figure out where he is.

So that afternoon, his wife comes home and answers the ringing phone. It’s her husband. He asks, “Is the cat there?”

She says, “Yes.”

The guy says, “I’m lost. Put the cat on the phone.”

Two salesmen were going door to door and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them.
She told them in certain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open.

She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result — the door bounced back open.

Convinced, these rude people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said:

“Ma’am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat.”

Sam called his wife and said to her in a weak voice,
“Hey baby, I was driving to a coffee shop to meet Mary when all of a sudden, a stray dog came in the way. I tried to steer left to avoid running it down, but the car skidded due to high speed, rolled over and almost ran off the cliff. The car was hanging nose down over the cliff, as I looked down fearing impending death. I just managed to climb out of the car and save my life, just before the car fell over the cliff crashing thousands of feet below, and was blown into smithereens.”

Sam continued, “I was taken to a hospital. I have a broken leg, broken jaw, dislocated shoulder, and several injuries on my head.”

There was silence on the phone, then the wife asked, “Who is Mary?”

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.

In the middle of the night, the man leans over, wakes the woman, and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could get me another blanket?”

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, ” I have a better idea, just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

The man says happily, “OK!” AWESOME!”

The woman says, “GOOD …. get your darn blanket!!!”