Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, “Buddy my wife was mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn’t stop!”

The other Buddy says, “When my wife goes off on me I just don’t listen.”

“How do you do that?” says the other.

“It’s easy! I turn off the light!”

Two men were talking about their wives.
The first man says, “My wife is an angel.”

The second man says,

“You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”

Sam called his wife and said to her in a weak voice,
“Hey baby, I was driving to a coffee shop to meet Mary when all of a sudden, a stray dog came in the way. I tried to steer left to avoid running it down, but the car skidded due to high speed, rolled over and almost ran off the cliff. The car was hanging nose down over the cliff, as I looked down fearing impending death. I just managed to climb out of the car and save my life, just before the car fell over the cliff crashing thousands of feet below and was blown into smithereens.”

Sam continued, “I was taken to a hospital. I have a broken leg, broken jaw, dislocated shoulder and several injuries on my head.”

There was silence on the phone, then the wife asked, “Who is Mary?”

In the midst of a hectic day at the office, John got a phone call from his friend Paul.
Paul: John, I just bought an expensive diamond ring for my wife. I hope this won’t break up our long friendship?

John: Hey Paul! Have you gone crazy? Why should your buying your wife an expensive diamond ring break up our friendship? After all, you are not taking it to my wife.

Paul: But my wife is taking it to your wife; she’s over to your house right now, showing it to your wife.

“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”
“But honey, what about our child?”

“What child?!”

“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”