A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her. She said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!”

He said, “Great, tell me what you’re so happy about!”

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, “That’s great!

I couldn’t be happier!”

Then, she said, “Oh, honey, there’s more!”

He asked, “What do you mean, ‘more?’”

She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. She said, “Well, that was the easy part.

I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!”

The chief of staff of the US Air Force
decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting the country’s armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 fighter jet, a pair of twin brothers walked up to them.

The chief of staff stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man looked at him and said, “I’m a pilot.”

The general got all excited, turned to his aide and said, “Get him in today, all the paperwork done, everything, do it!” The aide hustled the young man off. The general looked at the second young man and asked, “What skills can you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man said, “I chop wood.”

“Son,” the general replied, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, this is the 20th century!”

“Well,” the young man said, “you hired my brother!”

“Of course, we did,” said the general, “he’s a pilot!”

The young man rolled his eyes and said,

“You’re not getting it.

I have to chop it before he can pile it!”

A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.

Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. “My God!” the trooper gasped.

“Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”

“Yes, officer, I’m just fine.” the blond chirped.

“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blond began. “I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!

I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!

I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was…”

“Uh, ma’am?”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles.

That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”