If this story doesn’t make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I’ll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water, and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband wake with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood-stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers.
I think I got most of them back in……………….…..”

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LOL!! A married couple is sleeping

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, “How am I supposed to know?

We’re 200 miles inland!” and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, “Sweetheart, who was that?”

“I don’t know, some dumb b!tch asking if the coast is clear.”

An elderly couple were going to bed

An elderly couple were going to bed! The old man was sleepy and trying to sleep when his wife said, “Remember how when we were just married you would hold my hand and wish me good night!”

The old man grudgingly extended his hand to hold her hand and said, “Good night!”

Just as he was about to doze off she said, “You would then kiss me lovingly!”

Again the old man a bit more cheesed off gave her a gentle kiss on her cheeks.

Just as he was about to fall asleep again she said, and then you would give me a bite on my neck! The old man tossed away his blanket and got off the bed. “Where are you going now?” she asked.

“To bring my damn teeth!”