An old, blind Marine walks into a bar he’s never been in before, feeling around for a stool. He orders a shot of whiskey and relaxes a bit, unaware that he’s wandered into an all-female biker bar. After a few minutes, he grins and says loudly, “Hey!

Anyone here wanna hear a good blonde joke?”

The room goes dead silent.

In a gravelly voice, the woman next to him says,
“Before you say another word, let me help you out, Marine. Since you’re blind, you should know a few things:

— The bartender is blonde… and she’s holding a baseball bat.

— The bouncer is blonde… and she’s ex-military. — I’m 6 feet tall, 180 pounds, blonde… and a black belt in judo.

— The woman on your left is a blonde powerlifter.

— And the woman on your right is a blonde pro wrestler with a temper.”

She pauses. “Now, do you still want to tell that joke?”

The Marine takes a slow sip of his drink and mutters,

“Not if I’ll have to explain it five times.”

A cowboy who has just moved from Texas to Montana walks into a bar

A cowboy who has just moved from Texas to Montana walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits at the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender walks up and says to the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought them one at a time.

”

The cowboy replies, “You see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona and the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs.

All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowboy looks quite confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

“Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.”