Two elderly ladies were discussing their husbands over tea…
One of the old ladies said, “I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous…”

The other old woman replied, “My Billy used to do the same thing, but I broke him of the habit.”

“How?” asked the first old lady, rather curious, “I`ve been trying everything and I`ve even consulted our family doctor, but to no avail. What did you do???”

The other lady replied, “I *hid* his teeth!!” 

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or down.”

The third one responded, “Well ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem.” She knocked on the table and then said, “That must be the door; I’ll get it!”

Maria and Julia were old friends. They had in fact they had been friends for many years and both of them have been married to their husbands for a very long time. One day, Julia went to visit Maria and confided in her that she was upset because she thought her husband didn’t find her attractive any more.

“As I get older he doesn’t bother to look at me”, Julia cried on her best friend Maria’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry for you”, Maria said. “As I get older, my husband says that I get more beautiful every day”.

“Of course he does”, Julia answered, “your husband is an antique dealer!”