A blonde went to work with puffy eyes

Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well-being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”

The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t busy, just take the day off to relax and rest.”

The blonde very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.”

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.

“If you need anything, just let me know,” he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.

He rushes out to her, and asks, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?”

…

.. .

“No,” replies the blonde, “I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!”

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A middle-aged woman has a heart a.ttack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she has a near-d.eath experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it.

God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color.

She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k. lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”

“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”

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A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe. He asks God,

“How long is a billion years to you?”

God says, “A billion years is like a second to me.”

The man asks, “Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?”

God says, “A billion dollars is like a penny to me.”

So the man says, “God, can I have a penny?”

And God replies, “In a sec.”