A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.
They sit down on two stools at the front and the guy says to the barman ” two beers please barman”, the barman pours them two beers and the giraffe grabs his and drinks it down in one go and then the guy follows suit.

The guy then says again “another two beers please barman” and the barman pours two more beers and once again the giraffe sculls his down and the guy does likewise.

This goes on for a fair while with the giraffe and the guy sculling beer after beer after beer. The two have had about 17 beers each and then the guy looks over at the giraffe who is starting to wobble on his stool……his wobbling gets worse and worse and eventually he just passes out and falls backwards off the stool onto the floor.

The guy looks at him and then gets up off his stool and starts walking out of the bar.

The barman then yells at the guy as he is leaving “HEY!…you can’t leave that lyin’ there”

The guy looks at the giraffe and then replies “that’s not a lion that’s a giraffe” and walks out.

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet $20 he won’t.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did, too, But I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Bob took the money.

Two drunks are walking along.
One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the moon.”

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. “You’re wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.”

They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining.
Is it the moon or the sun?”

The third drunk looked at the sky and said, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”